miserymotivation&me

i am one of those people who has about a million plus twelve things she'd like to do or get done or places she'd like to go and see and people she should contact or attitudes she'd like to adjust, etc etc..... one of those excrutiatingly frustrating but commonplace people who think all these things at any given time during any given day. and day by day, week by week, year by fleeting year, not do a single productive thing in order to get anything done.

im a list-maker; im constantly and forever making lists of these things id like to do.  some of them are big; like travel to foreign places, and some of them are little, like volunteer for an afternoon... either way i write em down, and either way i stand still. my legs stuck as if in cement, watching my life fly by before my very eyes. all the aspirations and dreams and wishes careening through the air like kites in a windstorm. mocking me as they dance just out of arms reach.

i realize i have absolutely noone to blame but my very own self. my unmotivated, undisciplined, uncontrolled, lazy and loathsome self... but oh, its so much easier to be complacent than it is to be exciting and fullfilled. so much simpler to be content than to be ecstatic.

i herby vow to write out one more list.... this will be my first ever web docmented list. hopefully seeing it in solid black typeface on the beckoning glow of my computer screen will spur me into dedicated action... and if not, it will serve as a constant reminder of yet another unfullfilled promise to myself.  this list will be the list to top all previous lists; it will be the biggest and the best, realistic but fantastic at the same time. this list could be the making of a brand new motivated me.

but for now, the list will have to wait, my body is begging for my bed... and like ive always said, |"why do something today that can be put off until tmrw|"

numero uno

so, this is my very first attempt at blogging.  this apparently increasingly popular activity (hobby? job? art?); whichever category it fits into, i am currently trying to squeeze my way within its world.  i like to write. i LOVE to write. i need to get into the habit of writing more often. also i need to get out of the habit of driving myself insane inside my own head.  so here i am; out of my head and onto the screen, driving everyone else insane.

id firstly like to apologize for my lack of proper punctuation, capitalization and most likely errors in spelling.  also, sorry in advance for any offensive language i may use.  being a truckers daughter, growing up in a small town, and working in the service industry doesnt exactly provide you with the most ladylike of all vocabularies. additionally, if i come across as being sarcastic to the point of cynical....its probably because i am almost exactly that.  that said, i hope you enjoy... and if you dont, im sorry but not heartbroken. this is moreso done for practice and free therapeutic benefit than for outsider enjoyment.

welcome to my world; hopefully i can inform, interact with and entertain you... if not; ill still have managed to find yet another outlet for my out of control procrastination.... id say this whole blogging thing is a win-win situation. :)